Event: MAMEMANLAND Jun 04  - LAN Party Event Date: 06/05/2004 Written By: Warhawk Date Written: 06/05/2004

Mameman LAN XV was definitely not your typical LAN, but in most of the ways that count (and some that don’t), that’s what made it such a great LAN. 

Apparently there was a “pre-party” that I missed out on, but by all accounts, it was pretty wild. When I arrived things had pretty much settled down, from the night before. People were lounging around, leeching files, and playing games… in a leisurely manner. Kraz was outside, “modding” his car, which seemed like an odd thing to do at a LAN. 

I went inside, set up my computer and, as it turned out, didn’t end up actually playing anything till a few hours later. I was fully content to engage in leisurely activities and “chill” with the guys. I went outside, and Metalslug was in the pool, and appeared to be retrieving some kind of motherboard and bits of electronic components off of the bottom of the pool. At first, I was unsure as to whether this was some kind of watercooling experiment gone awry, but then I noticed a pile of what seemed to be scrap components on a nearby chair, and that’s when I realized that shenanigans were afoot… more on that later. 

I went back outside to check on Kraz’s progress, only to find that he had succeeded in completely screwing up his car, in his attempt to “mod it”. The question quickly changed from “will this improve it?” to “will you be able to get back home tomorrow?” Apparently, there was a critical error with an important hose. After a few phone calls, Kraz discovered that this hose wasn’t something that could be fixed just like that… no, this problem required the big guns to be brought in… this hose could only be fixed by MR HOSE! To this day, I know nothing about this mysterious and enigmatic character, other than the fact that he works his hose magic on virtually ANY type of hose… for a price, of course. 

It was around this time that the mighty Zer arrived! It had been many long months since his departure to the great white north, and many of us wondered if he would ever return. To our great joy, he made the arduous trek from foreign lands to grace us with his presence. We paused for a moment, to shake our heads in dismay at the mess Kraz had made of his car. Meanwhile, Kraz frantically worked to piece it back together, and prepared for a clandestine meeting with the enigmatic MR HOSE. 

As Zer and I caught up on old times and discussed the oddities of his new homeland. Apparently we weren’t the only ones on the block having a party. The next door neighbors appeared to be having quite a shindig. They had several piñatas hanging up in their backyard, and even a live mariachi band that was playing Mexican polka music at an extremely loud level. 

The prolonged periods of chilling and leisurely activities ended up having the effect of raising the testosterone levels at the party to dangerous levels. Kraz came in and promptly rushed out to the backyard, grabbed a baseball bat and went to town on the scrapped computer components sitting by the pool. It seemed that his broken car had driven him to insanity. As the Mariachi music played, he unleashed his fury, until there were several smashed motherboards at the bottom of the pool. At this point, the testosterone levels rose to an even higher critical level, and the rest of us were compelled to go outside and smash, destroy and burn. Several LANers joined in on the carnage, and soon there was nothing but a pile of un-recognizable computer parts in the middle of the backyard grass. We all stood around looking at this pile, at a loss as to what to do next, when someone shouted “hey, let’s burn it!!” This, of course, seemed like a splendid idea, so after an abortive attempt with lighter fluid, a big can of gasoline appeared. Soon, the entire pile was drenched in gasoline. Mameman dropped some matches on it, and up in flames it went! This wasn’t enough; of course, as Mameman felt the flames were not big enough. In a sheer stroke of genius, he poured gasoline directly on the open flame. Even all of us testosterone induced guys knew this was an extremely bad idea, but surprisingly, no one was killed/ and or hurt.

A cloud of noxious fumes rose from the burning mess, and Metalslug commented that he heard “chemical fires were really hard to put out.” Just about that time, the capacitors on the boards began to explode and pop, and for a few seconds, it was just like the 4th of July back home. While some of us retreated from the clouds of fumes, others poured water on the burning wreckage. After the fumes had blown away, and the fire was out, we all stood around the charred heap, feeling a huge sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. The fun didn’t stop there though. Mameman, as if by magic, conjured up a particularly huge and particularly ancient looking server board. We all examined it, and decided that it, in fact, must be burned as well. On went the gas, and up went the flames, as we once again reveled in the ecstasy of pure testosterone overload. Once that was over, we all took pictures of our achievements, and went back inside to play more games. 

In honor of the Mighty Zer’s return, we decided to install and play Generals. Unfortunately, the game ended up being rather finicky on the LAN. After a few false starts we finally got a large free-for-all game going. It was little surprise that it ended up coming down to me and Zer in the end, and of course Zer won. We then decided to put Zer's skills to the test and see if he was able to take on 4 or 5 of us at once. While he put up a valiant effort, we were able to subdue him, and regain some of our dignity from the fierce beating we had received from him the game before. 

Next we decided to go old school and bust out the old favorite: Half-Life Deathmatch! The joys of HL:DM are many, and nothing can quite compare to a house LAN HL:DM match. There’s that warm and fuzzy feeling you get inside when you turn a corner and shoot your buddy in the face with a double barreled shotgun, and watch his body fly back from the impact. Undoubtedly both parties will utter something along the lines of “Whoa dude!” and it just never seems to get old. Of course Zer once again proved himself the master of HL:DM, pulling off some extremely crazy gauss jumps and other things I had never seen before. 

After HL:DM, we continued the old school tradition with a rousing game of StarCraft. It went much like the first game of generals that we played, but it was good fun. 

During the games, the newest addition to the MML house parties was utilized, and that was The MameManLAN Moving Picture show! (a.k.a. a projector). It was projected onto the wall right above my head, so I was able to get a good view of most everything that went on. For the first part of the LAN it was mostly console games, but as the night wore on, a few movies were put on. The first of which was Starship troopers, which seemed appropriate to watch while playing Starcraft. No doubt, my Zerglings gained +1 attack, as they were spurred on by the sight of bugs decimating the human forces… or… maybe not. 

The next movie was, arguably the best Star Trek movie ever made: Star Trek II, the Wrath of Khan. I think all that needs to be said about this movie is: “Khaaaaaaannnn!!!” 

Things started becoming a blur after this, as it got to be extremely late and the brain was no longer functioning at full capacity. It was at this time, that Aftermath directed our attention to a memorial site for a deceased dog named “beaner.” We all paid our respects, by listening as Aftermath solemnly read the details on beaner’s memorial site. We then promptly erupted into uncontrollable laughter. Aftermath insisted, in a very serious tone, “dude, its beaner, what are you guys laughing at?” Which made it even more hilarious (that, and the fact that it was about 4 am, and just about ANYTHING seems amazingly funny at that time). Aftermath concluded our Beaner memorial service by placing beaner’s picture as his desktop background image. And with that, this night was complete.

Pictures from The Deionizer